Seizing the Day and Letting Go of the Fear

Facing the new year, I was thinking about New Year resolutions and in December, I wrote about setting audacious writing goals. I’m still hoping to finish my current book by the end of January, but it’s going to take some doing. While I am serious about meeting this goal, I also have others I’m pursuing and sometimes they conflict. 

For example, my husband and I fulfilled a long-time ambition to skip January in Chicago. Instead, we are working from Venice, Florida and every single afternoon we close up the computers and drive the six minutes from our rented condo to the beach so we can watch the sun set. This is a big change for us, quitting so early, but we’ve taken the carpe diem thing to heart. We’re not as young as we used to be and while we’re pretty healthy right now, no one knows what’s ahead.

But while I’m trying to seize all the day I can, I am also trying to let go of something – fear. In particular, the fear of what people think of me. 

I’ve always been afraid of looking silly and doing the wrong thing. As a child, I had a recurring nightmare of strangers in the street turning to point at me and laugh as they passed. As a teen, I fretted over my height and awkwardness, and I could not figure out how other people knew the right thing to wear or say. I always expected (hoped!) to grow out of this paralyzing fear, but was never quite able to shake it. 

Frankly, I still haven’t shaken it, but it does bother me less as I age. I finally realized that no one gives a hoot about what this old broad is doing. One out-of-shape gray-haired lady is much like another and while being invisible is a little depressing, it’s also a bit liberating.

The other day, I pulled an unflattering swimsuit over my Chicago-winter flesh and went swimming in the Gulf surf. A wave knocked me down, water went up my nose, I couldn’t get back on my feet, and a bucketful of sand was shoved into my pants. If folks on the beach noticed at all, they probably had a good laugh. And so what? I had a grand time!

The trick now is remembering to let go more often. There’s a timeworn-but-true saying – “Too soon old, too late smart” – but I hope it’s not “too” yet for me because this book needs finishing and I have a lot of marketing to do for it.

Also, of course, there’s going to be a spectacular sunset on the beach this evening and I plan to be there.